© 2013 Open Eyes Productions, LLC
Robyn J. Keating is not only a musician, who allowed us the use of her original song "Shell Shock" but is also a writer helping with depression.
Dropping my lip
I'm a late learner, late bloomer, always behind the eight ball in life, but that doesn't stop me from pulling up my big pants and trying again.
From a teenage girl to a Grandmother, I seem to always pull myself down due to the way I talk to myself. It's something that has been bugging to the point of writing this blog. I've dropped my lip hundreds and hundreds of times and felt frozen in time, like I can't go forward. It got to a stage in my life where I had to decide, will I let things in life bring me to a frozen point where I stay indoors and shut off from life and dropping my lip? or will I use those droplip moments behind doors to dig deeper into the the triggers that lead to dropping my lip and going stagnant.
Now, I'm not saying that I don't have times where I become frozen and can't do anything, because I absolutely do have frozen moments that are debilitating. I still have to dance around PTSD and make it work for me, not against me. During the time I started writing out my thoughts that formed this book, I also wrote a song called Shell Shocked, summing up my ups and downs. I've somehow landed part of this song added to a movie called "Eyes Upon Waking"
Jennifer Scott, who created this movie, has played a huge part in my life by sharing her story with me and allowing space for me to share myself with her. Everything has been connected in some way- The song, the book and allot of amazing people along the way, encouraging me to keep going forward no matter what. In turn I hope I have helped people along the way- It's all about each other's journey and encouragement.
This song I sang allot, along with my guitar, during writing this book Droplip, many years ago. I think to the point I got sick of the song!- In writing this blog, it's the first time I've listened to it in many months. I look forward to the movie coming out, as it is also about the ups and downs of life and depression that I'm sure many of you suffer or know someone that suffers from depression. It is Jennifer Scotts' story and has taken many year to form, just like my book.
Over the years, I've allowed my imagination to give me visions of the worst outcomes possible, to the point of making my body very sick. I struggle with chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and now added to the mix is costochondritis. When all these physical problems decide to act up all at the same time, it is chaos for me.
So, dropping my lip can come and bite me on a continual basis from day to day, if not hour to hour, depending on how high the pain goes. I find deep breathing helps.
I've learnt to live with it and I am still learning to live with it. During a phase of complete debilitation upon my heart, mind and body, many years ago I started to write down everything and anything that came to my mind, that I had either seen, felt, heard, done or seen on the TV screen that caught my attention. It also triggered me to go back to childhood and see where things went pear-shaped. In doing so, I discovered that my father had endured extreme pain, as an orphan in Bindoon Orphanage. He and many other boys at this orphanage had gone through hell. I was given a book to read, called "Empty Cradles" of which my father gave permission for the Author, Margaret Humphreys, to use a photo for the book, with his face in it.
My father would not give his story to the author to use, however other orphans from Bindoon orphanage gave their story. I read this book and cried to early hours of the morning, startled with what I had learned about my father's past and others that were tainted by abuse from the orphanage. In the book "Empty Cradles" were other children treated terribly from other orphange places. The book went on to become a movie called, 'Oranges and Sunshine." The movie moved me to tears, as the visual made the story more understanding for my heart and mind.
This new awakening to my father's past completely opened my eyes to the droplip moments I saw my father go through when I lived at home.
In doing so, it helped those moments I dropped my lip, to become the tipping moment in healing all those broken pieces I had been carrying around since a very young age.
I found that every droplip moment I was emotionally engaging in, was actually an opportunity to pull down my own wall and take a good look at myself and what 'part' I had played in all the doom and gloom I had gone through my whole life and what 'I' had put myself through, not what others had put me through.
Everyday I wrote something to add to the writings I'd already written and then I would reread what I had already written prior. Along the way, I came to a realisation that I was opening my heart to be vulnerable to myself and that there was vulnerability in every moment I dropped my lip!
This became a way of life for me, to write a poem or go back to this word doc I created and write some more about how I saw things in life. I developed a sense of understanding others better, that had hurt me along the way, which also helped me to see things from other people's perspectives. Also, seeing into how I've hurt others along my path.
All in all, this is the first blog I've been compelled to write about dropping my lip and I think it's due to being a late bloomer and the fact that I still have allot of problems that pop up in my mind that can hold me back, thinking I'm still not good enough. I've shared it on another site, but thought to share it here.
Yet, still, I have mental, emotional and physical issues that still manage to freeze me up. Is it just me? or do may people who thrive on helping others, suffer from being not able to fully help themselves? It seems to be what happens to me, however it is lessening as the years fly by, although for some ungodly reason, when I think I'm doing really well, an obstacle will come into my focus, causing an old wound to rise in my mind and bang!- I'm dropping my lip again in droplip mode.
At least, at this point in my life, (even if I do feel I'm still behind in life), I have managed to write my first blog about dropping my lip.
I hope this appeals to you, the reader, in seeing that, dropping one's lip can give inner strength, if you allow yourself to feel vulnerable in 'droplip mode', which can lead to learning so much more about yourself and understanding other people's situations better.
DROPLIP can be purchased here:
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Lyrics and Melody by Robyn Jennifer Keating
Performed by Robyn Jennifer Keating
Remixed and remastered by Chief Engineer Mike Stavro
Courtesy of Robyn Jennifer Keating
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